The Science Behind Trading Negative Emotions for Positive Ones
Are you ready for an unforgettable story? Recently, a hiring manager interviewed a young job candidate. In the interview, she asked the young man to share a time when he faced a tough challenge but was proud of the way he handled it. The candidate shared a story; the manager was pleased and decided to hire him. But when the manager’s HR director called the young man to tell him, he replied, “Are you kidding me? There is no way I’d work for that woman! She triggered my PTSD when she made me answer that question about my past!”
Ah, such is the world we live in today.
According to “State of the Heart,” the world’s largest study on emotional intelligence, our EQ is in decline. Research reveals that people are in an “emotional recession,” a period of reduced emotional well-being, motivation, empathy and stress management. In short, we are less emotionally stable than we were in past generations. Do you see this at work? At home? In your community?
Directing Your Emotions
The good news is—there is a solution. To be emotionally intelligent means that you’re able to perceive your emotions, to use your emotions, to understand your emotions and to manage your emotions. They can be our servant, not our master.
According to Neurolaunch, “Many emotions we label as ‘negative’ actually carry valuable energy and insight. The goal isn’t to eliminate them, but to redirect their energy into constructive, positive states through techniques like emotional transmutation, cognitive reappraisal, and mindful reframing.” In short, the positive and negative emotions we feel inside of us carry similar energy that we can steer in a helpful direction, rather than be at their mercy.
Look at it this way. Imagine you’re a sailor out on your boat on a windy day. When the gusts pick up, you don’t surrender your ship, nor do you shake your fist at the wind, angry that it won’t cooperate with you. All good sailors adjust the sails so they can use the wind to move their sailboat toward the desired destination. Emotions like anger or worry can be aimed in a different direction to pull you in the right direction. They can be a positive force.
If you’ve watched the Olympic Games in the past, you see how elite athletes put this to use. The gold medal winners are usually asked in interviews, “Were you nervous?” Most of the time, those competitors respond, “I was excited!” They know that feeling nervous and feeling excited represent the same energy yet move in opposite directions. Those athletes put that nervous energy to good use—and adjust the sails to move in their favor.
Building Emotional Connections
I believe we can leverage this reality on our teams at work each day. When people become emotionally intelligent, they get stronger. They deepen their emotional capacity and emotional connections. Those teams move from a state of friction to a state of flow. They don’t deny their emotions—they direct them. Those are the teams that flourish.
I am committed to helping people and teams get this right. So, I’ve created two offerings to do just that. First, I have written an eBook called “Build a Better You So We Can Build a Better Us.” It’s all about how emotional connections move teams from good to great. I designed it to launch conversations about this topic with your team.
I have also created a workshop I can bring to your team. Same title, same topic. It has been used as a catalyst before jumping into the eBook discussions. I suggest you bundle the two together. Thousands of leaders and staff have experienced it already. I’d love to explore how this event could help you enjoy better relationships and results on your team.
Contact us to let us know of your interest.
Author Travis Bradberry believes only 36 percent of employees (and bosses) are emotionally intelligent. This means almost two in three are not. The truth is, the higher you go in leadership, the more important your EQ is, but the less you’ll be motivated to build it. Why? Because people tend to tell their leader what they want to hear, not the truth. We laugh at the leader’s jokes and favor their ideas. We must get this right. Let me help.
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